Not sincerely, F Mitt Romney
Category Archive: Economy
Jul
04
The individual mandate is a tax (today at least — tune in tomorrow)
Dear poor white trash, Today I have re-imagined my future position on the Obamacare individual mandate. It is a tax. This seems to contradict what my senior adviser Eric “Etch-a-sketch” Fehrnstrom said just two days ago: But, that was the position then. This is the position now. The position going forward: stay tuned. Honestly, I’ve …
Jun
28
Obamacare will cause impotence!
Dear poor people, Today the Supreme Court upheld the Affordable Care Act or as we derisively call it, Obamacare, because by labeling it as such, people know that Barack Hussein Obama, whom they’ve been told to hate for unclear reasons, is behind it. Some clarifications are in order: Obamacare and its individual mandate was …
Jun
27
My Powerpoint Didn’t Work!
Dear peasants, Unfortunately, last Thursday the Washington Post did an expose describing my years at Bain Capital and offered we “owned companies that were pioneers in the practice of shipping work from the United States to overseas call centers and factories making computer components” Now, unfortunately this can not stand. Not because it’s a mischaracterization, …
May
24
Just like the Sopranos
Dear peasant, A lot of confusion has emerged when discussing my time at Bain Capital. This video clip explains: In all honesty, Bain Capital was nothing like the Sopranos. There weren’t any whackings, but more importantly, unlike the mafia, we didn’t have any honor. Mostly sincere, F Mitt Romney P.S. What was your favorite …
Mar
29
Layoffs are fun and funny (continued)
Dear peasants, Yesterday, I mentioned this hilarious story. Today I wanted to let you hear my comments, because sometimes the humor is lost in the transcripts. LMFAO (laughing my freaky awkwardness obvious), F Mitt Romney
Mar
28
Layoffs are both fun and funny!
Dear people who won’t have car elevators in their future homes, Today I told the amusing story I’m sure Wisconsin voters (really all voters) will love. One of most humorous I think relates to my father. You may remember my father, George Romney, was president of an automobile company called American Motors … They had …
Mar
26
I prefer to be vague because people would hate the details
Dear dirt poor Americans, New York Magazine has a column on my campaign’s nebulousness and my reluctance to illuminate details of my policies should I become president. I am quoted as saying: One of the things I found in a short campaign against Ted Kennedy was that when I said, for instance, that I wanted …
Mar
21
I need to get this Etch-a-sketch story behind me — I know, I’ll thank W!
Dear poor folks, I feel off balance from the fallout of my spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom claiming that for the general we would: hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch a Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and we start all over again. So, to pivot from …
Mar
06
More about my non-slut wife’s claim she doesn’t consider herself wealthy
Dear poor folk, Yesterday, as I noted, my wife stated she We can be poor in spirit, and I don’t even consider myself wealthy, which is an interesting thing Some have noted that her comment was taken out of context. So for clarity, here is the fuller text (from ThinkProgress.org): Well, you know, that’s so …
