Soon I’ll take the podium and pretend to not use the teleprompter when I speak to the dregs of society in America, some of whom make less than $1 million/year. I’ll throw in some insults of Obama and lay out my plans for turning the country around. Of course, I won’t really focus on the tax cuts for me and the rich and tax hikes and program cuts for you serfs. Here’s the dicey part — I have to actually convince some of the poor white trash out there to vote for me. Sure, I’ll enact devastating cuts that will ruin the safety net they’ll need to rely on, but those are the breaks. And setting someone up with hope only to deliver a kill shot is what I did best at Bain. Oh, I remember the quivering lips, the watery eyes, the dejected slouches that resulted from my actions. Sorry, I’ll have to stop there, my magic underwear is getting damp.
Let’s me be honest (I laugh every time I say that) — I asked Paul Ryan (of the fucking Paul Ryan Plan) to join me on the ticket. If people haven’t done the due diligence to read and see the immoral money grab under the transparent facade of fiscal responsibility (sure we’ll reduce the debt — like we care about the debt, suckers) there then I can’t feel sorry for them for being illiterate and/or FoxNews watchers. I’ll be doing them a favor: putting them out of their misery.
Show time is coming up!
Not even remotely sincerely,
F Mitt Romney