Dear losers who make less than $100,000/yr and have to do actual work, There has been a spike in concern about my years at Bain Capital. Understand that I “retired” in February 1999 to rescue the Olympics from catastrophic failure of which the world hasn’t seen until the London 2012 Summer Olympics. When I left …
Tag Archive: corporationsarepeople
Jun
27
My Powerpoint Didn’t Work!
Dear peasants, Unfortunately, last Thursday the Washington Post did an expose describing my years at Bain Capital and offered we “owned companies that were pioneers in the practice of shipping work from the United States to overseas call centers and factories making computer components” Now, unfortunately this can not stand. Not because it’s a mischaracterization, …
May
22
I AM A UNICORN!
Dear poor people, Some have taken offense that my Arizona co-chair, (no not the former co-chair, the homosexual sheriff who threatened to deport his boyfriend if he spoke of their relationship, allegedly), Ken Bennett, the AZ Secretary of State is investigating Barack Obama’s birth certificate. They are requesting Bennett look into whether I am a unicorn with …
Mar
13
New Pinterest board: People I Love
Dear peasants, Here is a link to my new Pinterest board: People I Love. The people you love have a lot less money and/or market capitalization. http://pinterest.com/notmittromney/people-i-love/ Yours truly, F Mitt Romney
Oct
18
As for homeowners under water — let them drown!
Poor people and future subjects, today in Nevada, one of the states suffering most from the housing bubble burst, I stated the following: As for what to do for the housing industry specifically, and are there things that you can do to encourage housing? One is don’t try and stop the foreclosure process. Let it …
Oct
05
In case you forgot — It’s all about ME
Yesterday in Florida Tuesday, I said the demonstrations were “dangerous” and “class warfare.” When ABC’s Emily Friedman asked me today about the protests I responded: “I’m just trying to get myself to occupy the White House.” I try not to be to blatant about it, poor people, but let me be honest — I don’t …
Sep
09
Big Week For Me
Dear future subjects (even those too poor and/or too stupid to vote for me): I had an awesome week. First I sent out a sharply produced paper detailing my plans for getting the economy moving. I will spare you the time you would spend reading it (because I don’t want to see you moving your …
Aug
19
Solutions that involve the wealthy paying more aren’t solutions!
Dear future subjects, If you haven’t been paying attention, I could not give a shit about you or your problems. Social Security solvency — why don’t you deadbeats get higher paying jobs and live off your tax sheltered retirements or at least the interest income from your millions — I really don’t understand? But, because …
Aug
11
Soylent Green Is Corporations! Corporations!
Corporations are suffering all over this country. Corporations are out of work. Corporations need a break. I’ve talked to many corporations during the campaign trail so far. When you look in corporations’ eyes you see their pain. When you hear corporations tell you about being unemployed, you really want to help them. I think the …
