Dear serfs, Years ago I avoided the draft so that I could do among other things such as serve as a “minister of religion in France’. I received four deferments because really, like all rich kids I prefered to be in college or in France spreading the Gospel according to Brigham Young than fighting …
Tag Archive: cowardromney
Jun
06
Dec
22
Tax returns? We don’t need no stinking tax returns.
Poor people and future subjects, When asked recently if I’d release my tax returns I declined. Nothing to see here. Never mind that every Presidential candidate in recent years has released their tax returns, including John Kerry, George W. Bush, John McCain, and the current occupier of the White House. They were all poor in …
Sep
29
Flip-flopping is not a problem — it’s a solution
Huddled masses, Some have suggested I flip-flop too much, but as I stated earlier today changing your entire policy or personal belief is not something to be ashamed of, but something to profess with pride: In the private sector” “if you don’t change your view when the facts change, well you’ll get fired for being …
Sep
28
Inde-fence-ible
Poor folks, My only remaining opponent, Rick “Debate-Champion” Perry seems to believe in promoting illegal immigration. He even went as far as to question those of us who opposed his seemingly reasonable position of providing tuition breaks to children of illegal immigrants, calling us heartless: “If you say that we should not educate children who …
Sep
09
Big Week For Me
Dear future subjects (even those too poor and/or too stupid to vote for me): I had an awesome week. First I sent out a sharply produced paper detailing my plans for getting the economy moving. I will spare you the time you would spend reading it (because I don’t want to see you moving your …
Aug
11
Soylent Green Is Corporations! Corporations!
Corporations are suffering all over this country. Corporations are out of work. Corporations need a break. I’ve talked to many corporations during the campaign trail so far. When you look in corporations’ eyes you see their pain. When you hear corporations tell you about being unemployed, you really want to help them. I think the …
Aug
08
Don’t read the S&P report — Just know it’s Obama’s fault
Poor, uneducated people, As you have seen, the stock market has taken a downwards trend following recent events including S&P’s downgrade of the U.S. credit rating from AAA to AA+. For you among the unwashed masses who don’t have millions in the stock market (Really, people? Maybe you need to get real jobs and work …
Aug
01
Profiles In Cowardice
Poor people, As you have undoubtedly heard, I finally gave my opinion of the debt ceiling extortion and manufactured crisis for Republicans to get what they couldn’t in normal circumstances. Not surprisingly — if you’ve been following me lately — I mainly came out against the leadership of Obama. A real leader would have done …
Jul
26
My debt ceiling position — TBD (Totally Being Delayed)
Dear future subjects, I have been accused of flip-flopping (but given my wealth it’s more Italian hand-stitched loafering) so I am pursuing a new strategy — not to take a position. Instead, poor unwashed masses, I’ll just pretend to be engaged by criticizing Obama’s position — much like an angry man yelling at the clouds …
