Dear poor people, Some have taken offense that my Arizona co-chair, (no not the former co-chair, the homosexual sheriff who threatened to deport his boyfriend if he spoke of their relationship, allegedly), Ken Bennett, the AZ Secretary of State is investigating Barack Obama’s birth certificate. They are requesting Bennett look into whether I am a unicorn with …
Tag Archive: Cutting taxes
May
22
Feb
25
Morality doesn’t apply to me for Pete’s sake!
Dear serfs, January my campaign raised $6.5 million and spent almost $19 million. Previously I stated: We have a moral responsibility not to spend more than we take in. Some people would suggest I’m being financially reckless and the only solution in cases such as these where expenses exceed revenue, i.e. deficits, is to …
Jan
10
Clarification on my lust to fire people
Unwashed masses, You heard yesterday criticism from all corners of my admission I like to fire people. Let me put this in context — I said the following: I like being able to fire people who provide services to me. You know, if someone doesn’t give me a good service that I need, I want to …
Jul
15
Just A Font Problem
Dear future subjects, Let me educate you on the debt limit crisis since I am staying away from public comments. The deficits the U.S. Government runs each year is defined by a simple equation: Deficit = Spending – Revenue Now, that equation is perhaps a bit confusing for many of you uneducated, poor (I define …
Jul
13
My Debt Ceiling Position — TBD
Dear future subjects, You may be aware that I have been noticeably absent from those commenting on the debt ceiling crisis enveloping Washington, D.C. You see, I’m being courageous, by withholding my opinion until a final deal is reached (or not) at which point I’ll severely criticize President Obama for failure to submit to the …
Jul
04
Clarification as of today (subject to change without notice)
Today when I said “he made the recession worse and the recovery more anemic” I did not contradict what I said last week when I said “I didn’t say that things are worse.” Dammit future subjects pay attention! It depends on the definition of “worse” (see video below to prove my point). What I really …
Jun
27
Dear (poor) people of the United States of America
I am running for president of United States because when you have a few hundred million dollars in the bank and a lot of unbridled ambition, what else can you do? Something silly like try to help poor people? Ha ha. No, I’m running for president, because I want to marinate in the awesomeness that …
