Dear peasants, Soon I’ll take the podium and pretend to not use the teleprompter when I speak to the dregs of society in America, some of whom make less than $1 million/year. I’ll throw in some insults of Obama and lay out my plans for turning the country around. Of course, I won’t really focus …
Tag Archive: Economic disaster
Aug
30
Jul
15
Bain of my existence, again!
Dear losers who make less than $100,000/yr and have to do actual work, There has been a spike in concern about my years at Bain Capital. Understand that I “retired” in February 1999 to rescue the Olympics from catastrophic failure of which the world hasn’t seen until the London 2012 Summer Olympics. When I left …
Mar
26
I prefer to be vague because people would hate the details
Dear dirt poor Americans, New York Magazine has a column on my campaign’s nebulousness and my reluctance to illuminate details of my policies should I become president. I am quoted as saying: One of the things I found in a short campaign against Ted Kennedy was that when I said, for instance, that I wanted …
Oct
18
As for homeowners under water — let them drown!
Poor people and future subjects, today in Nevada, one of the states suffering most from the housing bubble burst, I stated the following: As for what to do for the housing industry specifically, and are there things that you can do to encourage housing? One is don’t try and stop the foreclosure process. Let it …
Oct
05
In case you forgot — It’s all about ME
Yesterday in Florida Tuesday, I said the demonstrations were “dangerous” and “class warfare.” When ABC’s Emily Friedman asked me today about the protests I responded: “I’m just trying to get myself to occupy the White House.” I try not to be to blatant about it, poor people, but let me be honest — I don’t …
Sep
09
Big Week For Me
Dear future subjects (even those too poor and/or too stupid to vote for me): I had an awesome week. First I sent out a sharply produced paper detailing my plans for getting the economy moving. I will spare you the time you would spend reading it (because I don’t want to see you moving your …
Aug
11
Soylent Green Is Corporations! Corporations!
Corporations are suffering all over this country. Corporations are out of work. Corporations need a break. I’ve talked to many corporations during the campaign trail so far. When you look in corporations’ eyes you see their pain. When you hear corporations tell you about being unemployed, you really want to help them. I think the …
Aug
08
Don’t read the S&P report — Just know it’s Obama’s fault
Poor, uneducated people, As you have seen, the stock market has taken a downwards trend following recent events including S&P’s downgrade of the U.S. credit rating from AAA to AA+. For you among the unwashed masses who don’t have millions in the stock market (Really, people? Maybe you need to get real jobs and work …
Aug
01
Profiles In Cowardice
Poor people, As you have undoubtedly heard, I finally gave my opinion of the debt ceiling extortion and manufactured crisis for Republicans to get what they couldn’t in normal circumstances. Not surprisingly — if you’ve been following me lately — I mainly came out against the leadership of Obama. A real leader would have done …
Jul
15
Just A Font Problem
Dear future subjects, Let me educate you on the debt limit crisis since I am staying away from public comments. The deficits the U.S. Government runs each year is defined by a simple equation: Deficit = Spending – Revenue Now, that equation is perhaps a bit confusing for many of you uneducated, poor (I define …
