Dear poor white trash, Today I have re-imagined my future position on the Obamacare individual mandate. It is a tax. This seems to contradict what my senior adviser Eric “Etch-a-sketch” Fehrnstrom said just two days ago: But, that was the position then. This is the position now. The position going forward: stay tuned. Honestly, I’ve …
Tag Archive: etch-a-sketchmitt
Jun
28
Shake-shake-shake: campaign website etch-a-sketch forthcoming
Dear serfs, Don’t expect to see this much longer: Your friend in hating activist judges (except when they save my ass a la Citizens United) appointed by Republican presidents, F Mitt Romney
May
22
I AM A UNICORN!
Dear poor people, Some have taken offense that my Arizona co-chair, (no not the former co-chair, the homosexual sheriff who threatened to deport his boyfriend if he spoke of their relationship, allegedly), Ken Bennett, the AZ Secretary of State is investigating Barack Obama’s birth certificate. They are requesting Bennett look into whether I am a unicorn with …
Mar
26
I prefer to be vague because people would hate the details
Dear dirt poor Americans, New York Magazine has a column on my campaign’s nebulousness and my reluctance to illuminate details of my policies should I become president. I am quoted as saying: One of the things I found in a short campaign against Ted Kennedy was that when I said, for instance, that I wanted …
Mar
21
Magic 8 ball response
Dear peasants, After all the hullabaloo regarding my changing positions for the general like starting fresh on an Etch-a-sketch, I decided to rely on one of my trusted campaign advisors. The Magic 8-Ball. Concerned that I may have disturbed Tea Party voters who have questioned my sincerity and wondered whether I am as severely conservative as …
Mar
21
Sweet Mormon Jesus I can’t ever celebrate a win!
Dear peasants, Today, instead of taking my usual turn putting my silver (actually platinum) foot in my mouth, my campaign spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom intervened on my behalf. When asked if Newt and Santorum are driving me to the fringes of the right wing and threatening my palatability with independent voters, he responded: Well, I think you hit …
