Dear poor white trash, Today I have re-imagined my future position on the Obamacare individual mandate. It is a tax. This seems to contradict what my senior adviser Eric “Etch-a-sketch” Fehrnstrom said just two days ago: But, that was the position then. This is the position now. The position going forward: stay tuned. Honestly, I’ve …
Tag Archive: Flip flops
Jun
06
War is for poor people
Dear serfs, Years ago I avoided the draft so that I could do among other things such as serve as a “minister of religion in France’. I received four deferments because really, like all rich kids I prefered to be in college or in France spreading the Gospel according to Brigham Young than fighting …
May
22
I AM A UNICORN!
Dear poor people, Some have taken offense that my Arizona co-chair, (no not the former co-chair, the homosexual sheriff who threatened to deport his boyfriend if he spoke of their relationship, allegedly), Ken Bennett, the AZ Secretary of State is investigating Barack Obama’s birth certificate. They are requesting Bennett look into whether I am a unicorn with …
Mar
21
Magic 8 ball response
Dear peasants, After all the hullabaloo regarding my changing positions for the general like starting fresh on an Etch-a-sketch, I decided to rely on one of my trusted campaign advisors. The Magic 8-Ball. Concerned that I may have disturbed Tea Party voters who have questioned my sincerity and wondered whether I am as severely conservative as …
Oct
26
I Romneyed Again
Dear poor folks and future subjects of my reign, From here on I would like my changing stances on issues to be called Romneys. Flip flops are such a pedestrian term just as flip flops are shoes for the poor and/or teenage girls. Because I am neither I would prefer my re-positioning to be given …
Sep
29
Flip-flopping is not a problem — it’s a solution
Huddled masses, Some have suggested I flip-flop too much, but as I stated earlier today changing your entire policy or personal belief is not something to be ashamed of, but something to profess with pride: In the private sector” “if you don’t change your view when the facts change, well you’ll get fired for being …
Aug
01
Profiles In Cowardice
Poor people, As you have undoubtedly heard, I finally gave my opinion of the debt ceiling extortion and manufactured crisis for Republicans to get what they couldn’t in normal circumstances. Not surprisingly — if you’ve been following me lately — I mainly came out against the leadership of Obama. A real leader would have done …
Jul
14
Don’t Hate the Player — Hate The Game
Future subjects, It has come to my attention that there are some out there who do not wish for me to get elected. They have gone to the trouble of documenting how I made myself a business success and noteworthy “job creator” by slashing and burning others. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0711/58952.html I doubt this will pose …
Jul
07
Don’t Worry — I Can Always Dip Into My Rainy Day Fund
I have been informed there are some people who are concerned about my campaign raising performance to date. http://dyn.politico.com/printstory.cfm?uuid=D86DAA3A-AD1C-452E-99CC-14875D456811 Never fear — did I mention that I’m loaded? Because I am. It’s not like I employed leverage buyouts for no reason — it’s so I could make tons of money to run a campaign and …
Jul
06
Oh the inhumanity!
So, it appears Thaddeus is now saying that both Obamacare and my plan in Massachusetts are inhumane because they both rely on “comparative effectiveness research.” Let me make a fundamental point — in order for us to prevent ever-increasing health care costs, it will be necessarily to assess those treatments that improve health outcomes and …
