Dear peasants, Soon I’ll take the podium and pretend to not use the teleprompter when I speak to the dregs of society in America, some of whom make less than $1 million/year. I’ll throw in some insults of Obama and lay out my plans for turning the country around. Of course, I won’t really focus …
Tag Archive: Wealthy
Aug
30
Jun
06
War is for poor people
Dear serfs, Years ago I avoided the draft so that I could do among other things such as serve as a “minister of religion in France’. I received four deferments because really, like all rich kids I prefered to be in college or in France spreading the Gospel according to Brigham Young than fighting …
Mar
28
Layoffs are both fun and funny!
Dear people who won’t have car elevators in their future homes, Today I told the amusing story I’m sure Wisconsin voters (really all voters) will love. One of most humorous I think relates to my father. You may remember my father, George Romney, was president of an automobile company called American Motors … They had …
Mar
27
Hold the elevator … for my car!
Dear losers, So, yes it has come out that my renovations at my San Diego residence will include an elevator for my automobiles. What people don’t know yet, because of Secret Service concerns, is that it is very environmentally friendly. Instead of being powered by electricity harvested by burning coal and emitting carbon dioxide, sulfur …
Mar
08
My tax plan can’t be scored or (survive serious scrutiny)
Dear future subjects, As I stated recently about my tax plan Frankly, it can’t be scored. It can’t be scored because those details are going to have to be worked out with Congress and we have a wide array of options. But, even so I’ll claim that it provides tax cuts to all (particularly the …
Feb
01
Was I supposed to pretend to care about very poor people?
Dear PWT, Earlier today I said I’m in this race because I care about Americans. I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it Apparently, some have questioned why I said this so I’ll explain. When I said I’m not concerned about the very …
Jan
10
Clarification on my lust to fire people
Unwashed masses, You heard yesterday criticism from all corners of my admission I like to fire people. Let me put this in context — I said the following: I like being able to fire people who provide services to me. You know, if someone doesn’t give me a good service that I need, I want to …
Jul
07
Don’t Worry — I Can Always Dip Into My Rainy Day Fund
I have been informed there are some people who are concerned about my campaign raising performance to date. http://dyn.politico.com/printstory.cfm?uuid=D86DAA3A-AD1C-452E-99CC-14875D456811 Never fear — did I mention that I’m loaded? Because I am. It’s not like I employed leverage buyouts for no reason — it’s so I could make tons of money to run a campaign and …
Jul
03
Shaking in my expensive dress shoes
Future subjects, The announcement that Michigan Congressman Thaddeus McCotter will join the field to compete with me for the Republican Party’s nomination for president has me worried. About as worried as I am about making my next mortgage payment. But I am glad he will be in the race — I needed someone with a name …
Jun
27
Dear (poor) people of the United States of America
I am running for president of United States because when you have a few hundred million dollars in the bank and a lot of unbridled ambition, what else can you do? Something silly like try to help poor people? Ha ha. No, I’m running for president, because I want to marinate in the awesomeness that …
